Estimated Reading Time: 6 minutes

It has been 3 days only since you decided to leave this world for good. My prayers are that wherever you are, may your soul be finally at peace and may you be with the stars you were so much in love with.

Let me be a little honest with you. I always admired your perseverance and talent but never at any given time was a fan. I hardly think I ever was of anyone. But that has all gone down the tank since your news hit us right on the face. Details are all over the place. The entire country cannot (shamelessly) stop speculating on the reasons for your untimely demise. And I for one, am right now in tears. These last 3 days I have spent knowing everything about you. More than I ever tried during your complete and unbearably short career span. Your struggles, your hardships, you being left alone to find movies, your incredible talent, your curious nature everything. On top of it all, trust me, nobody here can stop talking about that amazing-amazing mind of yours.

So at this time, when I cannot help hoping that it all wouldn’t have come to this, a sudden fantasy hits me. What if!!! Just what if, I could turn back the time and go back to that unfortunate Saturday night or Sunday morning, magically appearing out-of-nowhere inside your house.

Please don’t snatch it away from me. Because this is the only way I can assuage my aching heart right now. Here’s how the story unfolds in my imaginations.

An Admirer’s Desperate Fantasy

I appear right in front of you. You are too deep in thought, thinking how you ended up in a situation where no ray of hope pierces the darkness. Or maybe you are angry with people ganging up on you. Or maybe worse, you might be thinking of all this as your fault. You may be cursing yourself for not listening to your “well-wishers” who asked you not to venture in this industry and keep floating in the shallow waters of the shore. I don’t know. This is all a guess, as you had your own whole universe within you which I am unaware of.

Yet, I am from the future. I have a task to complete, and so I approach you. You are startled and about to ask me who the hell I am and how did I get in. Before you can continue, I start with my abrupt rant. I know it is my only chance to put my reasons in front of you and leave you to make an informed decision.

“Sushant, I am just a person (a recent fan if you might call) from the future. For some weird reason, the universe has given me the power to come back to this exact time and appear in front of you. I know what you are about to do as the three days ahead of me unfold your entire story. And I think it’s necessary for you to listen to it all.”

“You are thinking of ending this life and entering a new one. Your body gets found when the house help comes. At 12:45- 1 pm the entire nation feels a deep sense of numbing shock when they hear about your suicide. Believe me, everybody is shocked beyond anything. The fans are weeping. I for one, am not able to keep your charming half-smile and incredible work off my mind. Urban Indians are pondering why a successful actor like you thought that this was the only way out. But that’s not it, Sushant. You have a much deeper impact on everyone than you ever perceived. You opened the gateways to the talks of mental health and depression everywhere.”

“Parallely, Indian media goes to an all-new low. They shove their mics right into the faces of your beloved parents and mourning friends. Asking unashamedly how they feel, what they think and all others kind of bullshit. Does this enrage you?”

I pause to let you absorb all this information. I don’t have much time to ponder whether you believe me.

“The famous producer and director, yes the same person gives you his heartfelt condolences but now twitter bashes him. They termed him as a film mafia who along with the nepotism-infested industry pushed you to the brink. Kangana Ranaut acts like your new friend. Although she didn’t talk about your brilliant films when you were there, in your absence she asks why your films were not nominated for any awards. I agree, she has a big point there.”

“Story does not end here. Slowly, the full length and breadth of unfairness surrounding you start surfacing. We get to know how 7 films were taken away from you in 6 months. How major big banner production houses banned you. We are told how films like ‘Ram Leela’ and ‘Befikre’ were snatched from you. Unfairness and ugliness of the industry begin making more sense.”

“Please, please do not feel bad. I am not a specialist and I don’t know how to handle it. But I am desperate for you to stay.”

“Okay, here is the good part. Here is what you should hear, what people surrounding you should have told you way back. The actors who knew you and had the good fortune of working with you just can’t seem to wrap this fact around their head that you had your whole life ahead of you. Your talent and your story was another benchmark in this unforgiving industry. You touched so many lives unknowingly. You know a 10th standard student from Uttar Pradesh committed suicide after hearing your news.”

“Manoj Bajpai and Shekhar Kapur talk about you on Instagram sharing their memories of the time with you. About how you always used to have two quantum physics books on the table and a telescope which you liked to share with everyone. These stories of your intelligence and curiosity touched me the most. They talk about your humbleness, restlessness and child-like joy.”

“God, I am so sorry that I didn’t watch ‘Sonchiriya’ in the theatre. But let me tell you if I ever wrote my first movie review it was on your movie ‘Kai Po Che’. These three days after you left, around 1 lakh people unfollowed Karan Johar and started following you. 3 days later, I started stalking your profile and saw many messages from your fans asking you to come back. And If just by wishing, I could have made it possible, I would have wished hard enough for you to be back too.”

“But I can’t, so here I am asking you to reconsider your decision. Of course, the stories, films, twitter followers, scripts do not hold any relevance to the place you are going. Yet, here you are important to us. Your extraordinary journey is an inspiration to us all.”

Now time from my final try – “Yet, it is your choice and your life. I cannot be this selfish and like a hypocrite, I cannot even promise that as a fan I will be always there. I can promise one thing though, if you hold onto life it will unfold new miracles in front of you. Fuck the film fraternity. If it doesn’t respect your immense talent, you can still be the brilliant person you are.”

“I will now take your leave and let you decide. If you decide to stay on, I will try to reach you after 4-5 days. If not, I will always remember your incredible story, movies and not waste a single penny on any worthless ones. Also, of course, I will switch off my social media profiles for a few days, because you are everywhere and you going away is too painful even for someone who is not a fan. May peace be with you.”

Sadly, we all know that this is just a fairy tale. As much as we would have liked it not to happen, it happened. Now, we move forward with a cinema sans his natural talent, intelligence and shine.

Rest in peace, please.